Day 10

Well, it's 5am and I have been up for a couple of hours. Between my husband's insomnia and my cold, sleep did not come at the Wilson household. However, what a great time with God I've had! As I lay in bed, sniffling and sneezing, I was praying and talking to Him and He told me to read Proverbs 31. I have some new insight today on this passage that I thought I would share.

Some of you reading this may know the Proverbs 31 passage, but I will do a brief recap for those of you who may not have read it yet. I encourage you to read it on your own. This is the passage instructing what type of wife a man should find. "a wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies." and it goes on to say she's up before the dawn, taking care of her husband, the kids, the servants, her entire household. She takes great care in providing her family with the best of everything, she even buys and sells real estate. This woman works hard for her family! They want for nothing and she seems...well, perfect.

For years, I have thought, that's the kind of wife I need to be, but the standards are set so high, it's almost intimidating. How could I ever, in my own power, be that kind of wife for my husband? But just because it seems impossible, I know all things are possible with Christ who strengthens me. So I keep trying.

However, this morning, God asked me why. Why do I keep trying? Well, because it's in the Bible.

Wrong! The Proverbs 31 wife isn't doing all of the things in this passage because it's in the Bible, she's doing it out of a great love for her husband and family. She works day and night because the needs and desires of her family are more important than her own needs. Love is not unselfish and sacrificial and that's why the Proverbs 31 wife does what she does. Well, of course I love my family. I would do anything for them. I love God. But when I have looked at that passage, I looked at it like a to do list. Have you ever done that. Realized God was showing you something and then went to work at it like a to do list? It's all about love. Isn't it amazing how it always seems to come down to love?

The other insight I got this morning regarding this verse, is that we are Christ's bride. Maybe Proverbs 31 isn't just about how to be a good wife to your husband but how we can be Christ's bride. Instead of always coming to him with our wants (notice I didn't say needs), we should say to ourselves what have we done for him lately? Are we up before dawn, going through our day working for Him, and being joyful about it? Perhaps, He's looking for a little Proverbs 31 from all of us. "she opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy".

vs 25-26 "she is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue."

I don't know. I don't claim to have all the answers. But what I do know, is that as I pray and fast today and prepare to go to the prayer meeting at church tonight, Proverbs 31 will be on my heart. Not because it's in the Bible, but because I love my family and I love God.

Day 8

Today, I have been reminded a lot about my mom. I see posts on Facebook saying "if you love your mom repost this". So here's my post. I love my mom.

I was having Bible time with Christopher this morning and we were snuggled up in bed sharing one Bible. He would read a bit and then I would read and we would talk about it. He had so much happiness in his face. His head on my shoulder, we read together. And he looked up with his face almost in mine, and said mom, I want Jesus to be my savior, and we prayed. It was an amazing moment that I pray I never forget.

What does that have to do with my mother you ask.

Well, from the time I was a child, I would lay snuggled up with my mother and I would have my head on her shoulder and we would read the Bible together. I would be filled with so much joy as I spent time with my mom, time I cherished, and I wouldn't know how much I cherished those moments until she were gone and I had them with my own child.

I have many memories of my mother, but that is one of the most precious. Later on, when her life was drawing to a close, we returned to snuggling in her bed with my head on her shoulder, reading the Bible together.

"teach your children in the the way they should go and when they are older they will not depart from it" Proverbs 22:6

I thank God that my mother taught me about God. I'm so thankful that she was an example of how I should live. She wasn't perfect, but none of us are.

Pastor Chris said this weekend, if you want to know about God, look at Jesus. If you want to know about the Holy Spirit, look at Jesus. As Christ followers were are called to model our lives after Jesus. My mom lived that. And she taught me to live that. And now, I'm teaching my children to live that...hopefully.

Stop and think for a moment about what your example is teaching your children, or others around you. I pray my life reflects Christ.
"Now, go out there and be the life of Jesus to your world"

A Full Week of Fasting

It has been a full week of fasting. For the most part, I feel terrific. I have had fantastic times with my God. My devotion time has been great and the prayer has been amazing. I feel so connected to Him and I am hungry for more of Him.

Not only that, but as I am praying for my family unity and family unity around the world, I find that I am more acutely aware of how much I love and appreciate my husband. I am enjoying my children even more than I did before. I have so much love for my family it is practically bursting out of my chest.

I wonder, if this is just a fraction of how much God loves us, then I truly can't imagine what that love feels like. This is the radical love that led Him to choose the cross. I will strive all my life to attain that kind of love and won't ever reach it until I am in His presence. But I won't ever stop trying. Because that is precisely what He asks us to do. Follow Him, and allow Him to transform us.

I pray, that as I continue to fast, that love will grow, and as I end my fast in another 2 weeks that I wouldn't lose it.

Day 5 of Fasting

Wow! 5 days down and only 16 to go. At this point the thought of ending my fast makes me sad. I'm having such a terrific time with God. I feel so clear and connected to Him.

Well, I finished my book yesterday and today I picked up another. I started reading it a little while ago but got sidetracked with some things so I thought I'd go back to it. When I picked it up a piece of paper fell out of it. It was a copy of a magazine article called Impossible Prayers. I don't know where I got the copy, probably Lynnie, she's always sharing gems such as these and I must have thought it was fantastic and I wanted to keep it. The title intrigued me and I couldn't remember what it was about so that became my devotion today. It's about a woman who remembered not being afraid to pray and ask God for things that seemed impossible. And somewhere as she grew up, she "came to her senses" and realized God doesn't always answer every prayer and she stopped praying for big things. Inspired to pray impossible prayers she made a list and diligently prayed for them for about a month. But as they went unanswered, she tucked it in her Bible and forgot about it. About a year later, that paper fell out of her Bible and she read over the 10 impossible prayers. 7 had been answered! Even though she had tucked it in her Bible and forgotten to keep praying, she had started to pray and God heard her prayers.

The Bible tells us that He will hear our prayers, and when we are aligned with Him, he will be faithful to answer each one. Why, then, are we so timid? Why are we afraid to pray for the impossible? My Christopher is fasting and praying for the homeless to have homes and all believe in God. When he told me what he was praying for, I was kind of jealous. How I would love to believe again that God could really do something so monumental. But you know what? I was wrong! Because He CAN! Luke 1 tells us "nothing is impossible with God." NOTHING!

When did we become so hardened and callous that we stopped believing He could impossible things? Maybe we believe He can we just don't believe He will. Whatever the case, if we are aligned with Him and praying, He will hear our prayers and answer them.

Today, I am going to get my list of Impossible Prayers for the year 2010. I will prayerfully make this list, according to His heart and His will. But I will pray for what seems impossible to me. And even if I forget to pray and tuck them in my Bible like the woman from the article, I know He has heard them and He's already at work.

Do you have an impossible prayer? I'll pray with you.

Day 4 of Fasting

Wow! The days just keep getting better and better. If this is how great I feel on day 4, then I cannot wait until Day 21. I want to feel like this every day!

Today, I woke up and had a great meeting with God. I read and prayed and spent time with him. It was also the day of She Community. Usually a very busy day for me. But everything was done in advance so I took my time with God in the morning and then went in to the church to set up. Afterwards, I came home and I had so much time to spare I took extra time with my devotion time with Chris and we read the Bible. Oh how I loved listening to him reading his Bible. We talked about what we read, what it means to us today and we prayed. Then it was my turn. I went back to the Lord in prayer for our ladies meeting tonight. It was such a serious topic, depression. I've been through that season and I just prayed that God would speak to His women tonight. And you know what? I believe He did.

I had such a wonderful time with these fantastic women that I am blessed to have relationships with. They have all touched my life in different ways and God has blessed these friendships. What a blessing it was to be there with these women, pray with these women, cry with these women, and laugh with these women. I love them!

So tonight as I sit down and write about my progress on day 4, I cannot express to you enough how important it is to let people in to your life. Let people in, love people, have relationships with them. The rewards are so great. I remember, after the end of my first marriage, I didn't want to let anyone in and I was closed off for such a long time. Oh how I must have grieved the Holy Spirit by blocking out so much love, my not allowing myself to show His love to others. And the blessing I missed by blocking out those people. Just as I wasn't showing the love of Jesus to others, I also didn't allow them to show me His love either.

In the end, it's all about who you loved because "He first loved us"

So go out there! Don't be afraid to love people, and be the life of Jesus to your world!

Day 2 of the Fast

Today went pretty well. I woke up early and spent time with my God. I went to the staff meeting and met with Lynnie to pray for our ladies meeting Wednesday night. I spent some time with the kids, made dinner and went to small group. Sounds like a pretty normal day doesn't it? But in the midst of it all amazing things happened. I spent time with God throughout my entire day. I was constantly aware of my actions, my words, and His presence throughout the day. My husband, who is participating in his very first fast, is still caffeine free and nicotine free. Praise God, he hasn't even had the desire for a cigarette! As we talked today, we talked about where we have come from in our lives, the wrong paths we've gone down, so very grateful that God didn't give up on us. So very aware of how grateful we are that God is so gracious to pursue us and then forget our pasts. He just wipes it clean once we turn to Him! That's just so amazing to me!

In small group, as we gathered and fellowshipped, I was amazed to see how God was revealing Himself to each and every person there. How God has been having us all look back at where we have been in our journey and where we are now and how this is bringing within us such an appreciation and a spirit of gratitude. One woman looked back at an old journal and noticed that everything she had prayed for, every noble thing that God had put on her heart, had been answered. She was just in awe! And my normally quiet husband, spoke about what God is doing in Him.

When I came home, I read John 2 and the first thing I read was about how Jesus turned the water into wine. Now I've read this passage several times and I seem to glean something different each time. Tonight, I marveled at how Jesus sat and waited for every drop of wine to be gone. There was no wine left. Every drop had been consumed. Then he went to work. Right now as we fast, God is emptying us, we have to be emptied before we can be filled. You can't put new wine in with the old wine, it ruins the taste. In the same, way, He needs to empty us of our sin, pride, expectations, etc before he can fill us. Now I have heard so many people, including myself say "God, fill me". My question tonight is this, are you ready to be emptied?

In the words of Spongebob Squarepants, I'm Ready! God Empty me so I can be filled by You!

Full Fast

Today is the first full day of my 21 day fast. It went pretty well. I had such a great time with God this morning and the devotion with Christopher went well. We talked about if there was one big thing he wanted to fast and pray for. He wants to fast and pray for the homeless to have homes and families and to believe in God and go to church and for Miss Catherine to feel better. Talk about having faith in God. It's no wonder God urges us to have the faith of a child. He was told nothing is impossible with God and he completely believes that. He's fasting and praying for the homeless to have homes and believe in God. Nothing's impossible so nothing inhibits him from dreaming big dreams.

I was reading a book today called Forgotten God. Pastor Chris recommended it and it's a really good book. Well it asked a question today that really got me thinking. It's a hard question for anyone. It's one of those questions, that you wish you could just forget you heard because the reality of it is too much to bear. Here it is. If the entire world were as committed as you were, what would the church look like? If they gave like you give, pray like you pray, worship like you worship, have the faith that you have, would the church be strong, healthy, empowered or would it be weak and listless?

I told you it was a tough question. I mean, no matter where you are in your walk, there's always room for improvement in at least one area. So today I am examining where I am, where I want to be and why I want to be there. Because if I were honest, and the church was like me, the church would be scared sometimes, doubtful sometimes, led astray by desires of the flesh, trying to be strong but feeling weak. But I won't stop there. I am asking for God to fill me, sustain me, give me the strength that is needed to live a life that is fully and completely His day in and day out.

Why am I being so painfully open in this blog today? Because as I've heard recently, I look like I have it together but the truth is, I'm just an imperfect woman, trying to become the woman God wants me to be, feeling as if I'm coming up short, and yet not being afraid to keep trying. I want you to know, that we're all imperfect, we've all be led astray, and we can ALL keep trying. Because God's grace is limitless!

May God bless you all, wherever you are.