Am I Forgivable?

Today I led a group of amazing women in a small group setting at church and it was such an amazing night. The topic was on fear. As God has a habit of doing, He was prompting me to share my greatest fear, the fear of judgment. I am afraid that people are going to see right through me to the person I used to be and know that I have been broken, that I have been sinful and worldly, and that I have had so much shame in my life and that they would judge me and look down on me.

So tonight, I shared with these women, some of the deepest parts of me and I was met with acceptance and love. There were no shocking stares, there was no condemnation. There was love and acceptance just like I received from God. You see, I had asked God for forgiveness and I knew I had received it. I had worked through the shame and guilt but before I had done that, I had judged and condemned myself so it was natural for me to think that others would to. I felt that they would look at me and think I can't be a leader in a church, I'm sinful and flawed. But you see, that's why I can lead sinful and flawed people, because we're all on this journey together.

If you get nothing else in life, I want you to really understand this. No matter what you have done in your life, if you come to God in repentance and ask for forgiveness, He WILL forgive you! His grace is sufficient for you no matter what. I can tell you that, because I have been forgiven much and you can too.

Reach out to God and ask for it and then be willing to receive it. He's waiting for you, and He is sufficient for you.

My love

For years I watched my mother actually counting the days on the calendar of how long she had been married to my father. I remember at one point I saw on the calendar, she had written 10,983 days. I looked at that and thought it was incredibly sweet and it showed the depth of her feelings for him. Even after 10,950 she was still so in love with him that she was celebrating the days. I wondered if I would ever be blessed enough to find a love like that.

Today, I was feeling rather ill and laid down in my husband's arms. I felt comforted and adored. I thought back through our years of marriage, nearly 12 now, 4,333 days. I remembered when we were dating and I felt so in love. I knew deep in my heart this was the man I would marry and the thought was both exciting and frightening. I remember, on our honeymoon when my father had fallen ill and we had to head home, he took me in his arms and promised to be there for me. I remember when laughing with him, playing with him, and even fighting with him and I remember making up with him ever so much more. I remeber when my father died, and I saw him pull into the drive, I ran out to meet him and fall into his arms.

You see, in his arms, I am loved. In his arms, I am comforted, cared for and adored. In his arms, I am safe. He is the completion of me. God made him to complete me. Where I end, he begins and where he ends, I begin. He has his faults, as do I, but I choose to look past them and straight into his heart. In his heart, I find love; love of God and love of me, and love of our children. There is nowhere in this world I would rather be than in his arms. I pray that I am the kind of wife he wants and deserves, and that I spend the rest of my life counting the days and celebrating the days of our love.

Impossible?

At the end of last year, God convicted me that certain things I was praying for, I was actually praying in doubt rather than faith. I was still praying for them, but not believing that I would ever see them come to fruition. I was even in the middle of believing Him for impossible things but this one prayer was different. I had been praying this prayer for so many years, I had lost hope. So I praised Him for bringing this to my attention, I got a new dose of faith for that situation and I sat down and wrote my list of "impossible prayers for 2010" because my God can do the "impossible".

Well, I want to tell you so that you can be encouraged, that God went straight to work on my prayer list and my renewed prayers of faith. One of these prayers has been answered and I can see Him working on another. I'm sure He's answered the others, I just can't see it yet.

So, I wanted to leave you with this today. For God, nothing is impossible. Don't give up hope. When you feel something is hopeless, you are slamming the door in God's face. He still works miracles today, just look around you, you may be seeing them and you don't even know it. Give your prayers to God with faith.

Luke 1:37 For nothing is impossible with God.

Can we block God's blessings?

A couple of weeks ago, I had a terribly busy week. I was planning an event and I had several cancelations, and this was causing me great stress. I began to pray that God would show me to replace them with, that He would work out all the details and that he would take this feeling of stress away and replace it with His peace and love. I prayed with groanings in my spirit. At that very moment while I was praying, I began to feel this enormous wave of emotion. Wave isn't even a big enough word for it. But have you ever been to the ocean and been out right where the waves were breaking and you could feel the wave break right over you and wash all over you. That's what I what, only instead of water it was God's love and peace. I was brought to tears at the enormity of His love for me. That He would take that time to minister, just to me.

A week later I was still thinking about that moment with God and I began to wonder, why after my mom died it took so long to feel His peace. I asked Him for His peace but I didn't feel it. Why didn't I have access to it then. The answer He revealed to me, was simple. I may have asked for it but I didnt' want it. I thought I wanted it. But I was so focused on my hurt, that I wasn't focused on God. So often when we are focused on our hurt, we put up walls around our hearts so nothing can get in. Unfortunately, we also don't let God in. If we don't let Him in, He can't minister to us and heal our hurt. He won't go where He's not truly invited. I may have asked Him for His peace but I wanted Him to give it to hand it to me over the wall.

So can we block out God's blessings? I believe we can. He wants to minister to us. We are so precious in His sight that He will take time to minister to us individually in ways we cannot imagine. But we have to be open and allow Him to. He wants all of us, are you willing to give it to Him? Have you ever had a time where you wanted God to fill you with His peace but you didn't receive it? If so, search yourself and ask if you were really open and fully surrendered to Him.

I'm Always There

I'm Always There

written by Ken Avery

I knelt down by my bed to pray

And suddenly I heard a soft voice say

You seem to be losing some of your faith

Giving up halfway through the race

I know at times it must be rough

But that is when you must be tough

You must have faith and believe in Me

Shout it out so the world can see

I suffered myself to save you ALL

When the time came I answered the call

You're not alone, I'm always there

I stand by you with love to share

And so remember when you're feeling bad

Times are tough and you feel sad

Faith can always change the way

Have faith in me, now you can pray.

Is He really powerful?

Ephesians 3:20 "With God's power working in us, God can do much more than anything we can ask or imagine."

You know, sometimes life can be tough. Life for me, as I'm sure for you too, hasn't been easy. There has been illness, distruction, death, pain, unspeakable terror. Many years ago, when the worst of the worst was what my life seemed like, I used to look at the stories of miracles in New Testament and just wish that miracles still happened today, That God really had power. Life has a way of doing that to us. The enemy's goal on this earth is to make us think that God doesn't actually have any power.

It's times like these that I remember that back in 1980 my mom was told she had kidney failure and only had about 5 years left. And then I laugh because through much prayer she went on to live another 27 years. I remember when my father had a major heart attack and they were sure he wouldn't live through the night, I prayed all through the night and for the weeks that followed and he lived another precious year and a half. I remember countless situations, day in and day out when I have prayed and asked for Holy Spirit to fill me in that moment, to help me in that moment, or to give me wisdom in that moment and somehow supernaturally, I was equipped as I had never been before.

And yet, in spite of all of the blessings and strength and power that He proves to us every day, we simply don't give Him enough credit. We still struggle with believing and relying on His power. When we are trying to quit smoking, diet, or have a big project at work, we do it under our own power and don't take the time to simply ask Him for His help and His power. We may pray for healing, but are we praying in faith? Or are we praying wondering if He really can?

Instead of doubting His power, which is just as real today as it was 2000 years ago, trust it completely. Expect it. Expect the miracles and be on the lookout for it. And then, get radical.
I mean, let's face it, Jesus was radical! He turned the world upside down. You know, if we had the same faith in Jesus and the power of Holy Spirit at work inside of us as we have in New Orleans to win the Super Bowl, who would be able to stop us?

A singer named Kathy Troccoli once said, "The most profane word we use is 'hopeless'. When you say a situation or person is hopelss, you are slamming the door in the face of God."

I believe in God and that He is God of the impossible. I'm going to stop slamming the door in His face. How about you?

my thoughts

Well, the fast has been over for a few days and I haven't blogged. You know when we started this fast, I hadn't blogged anything in a while. I was journaling everyday but I hadn't put anything out there for people to see. So when the fast started Katie asked me to blog through my journey every day so that people in the church could be encouraged. Ugh, the thought of adding one more thing to my day. I actually wasn't adding anything to my day. I was already journaling every day, I just wasn't putting it on my blog. So I said OK. Well, I'm grateful she asked. It got me back into the swing of things.

But since the fast ended I haven't blogged. I've been busy. Sunday at church was busy, I didn't leave until late in the afternoon and then I went to the store and had some cleaning to do, had work yesterday. Should I keep going with the excuses or do you get the idea?

What it really comes down to, isn't that I was too busy to blog, it's the enemy had me convinced that after pouring out my heart for 21 days I didn't have anything left to say. Well, that may or may not be true, but I know one thing, God still has plenty to say.

Romans 12:11-12 says "never be lacking in zeal but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

Here's what I get from that. Make time for God. You know we get busy and what's the first thing to go. Our time with God. We might start out by shortening it, but it's always the first thing to go. We look at it as if everything else in our life is more important and it's the first thing to go. I was busy, I didn't blog and I didn't journal. I read my Bible and my devotion and prayed and had my time with God but I didn't journal. I wonder what would have been next to go. Prayer? Bible? I don't know, but I know it was just the enemy's first step.

Have you been attacked since the fast ended? Have you been too busy to really make the time for God? Has your time with God suffered in the last few days? If so, recognize it for what it is. The first step in drawing you away from God. The most important thing in life is your relationship with God. Do you spend time with your spouse or kids? How much time? Why? Because you know you need to cultivate that relationship. You need to do that with God too. God doesn't need it, but you do.